Well, I am back in the Clinic at St John Of God in Burwood. I saw my psychiatrist on Monday and he was very concerned about my suicidality and self-harm risk. He wanted me to come in that day but I didn’t have any clothes with me so we arranged for me to come in today, Thursday. Unfortunately, he was right to be concerned as I self-harmed yesterday morning, cutting myself very badly, requiring twenty stitches at the local Emergency Hospital. We were terrified they were going to send me to the local Public
I had been doing so well. I hadn’t self-harmed for over two months. Which was a record in the six years that I have been unwell since my memories resurfaced following the Royal Commission into Institutional Child Sexual Abuse in
With me now in here he can work intensively with the alters who come out to him and he can try and convince them that they are not responsible for what happened to me as a child. I am not responsible for the abuse. The perpetrators are. That is what is at the crux of the self-harm. It is self-punishing for the sexual assault I experienced from the age of 4 – 18. I
Self-harm is when somebody intentionally damages or
Self-harm may provide short-term relief from painful feelings, but they usually come back and the urge to self-harm returns. It can become compulsive and the cycle can be hard to break. People who self-harm are usually not trying to commit suicide, but they are at risk of accidentally killing themselves. Repeated self-harm can also lead to people feeling suicidal and hopeless.
Some ways people self-harm include:
- cutting or slashing the skin
- burning the skin
- punching, biting or using blunt force on the body
- hanging, strangulation, suffocation or self-poisoning
- misusing alcohol or drugs
- refusing food or water or eating disorders, such as anorexia nervosa, binge eating or bulimia.
My arms are a mess. I wear long sleeves even on the hottest of days except when I’m at home I am so ashamed of them. It’s no way to live. I so want my alters to be Integrated and at peace so they don’t continue to self-harm. I want my husband to be able to relax and not have to be constantly vigilante supervising me like a child, even then a clever alter somehow manages to give him the slip. I am totally dissociated and unaware of where the blades are and never remember self-harming. It takes
My one wish is to give my family peace of mind.