Well, it’s Christmas Eve morning here in Australia. My older boys went out last night with their old school friends who are all home for Christmas too so they are having a big sleep in. My partner and I have just finished making the Pudding and it’s on the stove bubbling away. The sweet potato are wrapped in tinfoil in the oven baking all ready to be used to make the Sweet Potato Souffle which is a firm family Christmas tradition in our house. The Cake was made earlier in the week so the rest of the cooking happens tomorrow.
Next task on the list is to go down the paddocks and choose a Christmas Tree. Much deliberation will go into this. We have a lot to choose from. We don’t have to cut down an entire tree, they are too big, we just choose a big branch and it’s more than big enough but much discussion goes into the shape and size.
I had no Christmas’s as a child worth remembering so I have always put a huge amount of effort into my children’s Christmas time as a result it’s remembered by them fondly and they always come home for it. Even though it’s my worst time of the year and when I struggle most with depression and CPTSD and the threat of self-harm, I put a huge effort into making it as best as possible for my family. I somehow get myself through the holidays focusing on them.
This year my psychiatrist suggested I come into the Clinic for two weeks prior to Christmas to have some intensive therapy to get me ready for Christmas. It was a great idea. I am in better shape than I’ve been for years. Clearer in the head and my Alters are not active at present. They are all in their separate ‘caves’ and staying there so I’m not switching which is a blessed relief. Long may it last. That’s all I can wish for. Respite for the Alter activity. He has suggested that as this intensive therapy worked so well that I should come in again in six weeks time and do it again. It’s good to have a workable plan to aim for.
My psychotherapist is in India for Christmas. My four year Alter is very upset about this as she is afraid that she won’t come back. We discussed this before she went. So the therapist has been sending me texts saying hello, asking me how I am doing and that it’s only so many days until she gets back. She reminds me of the date of my next appointment. This alleviates the four year old’s anxiety. I am lucky to have such a strong therapeutic alliance with my psychotherapist. She’s fantastic with the Alters. She knows them so well and manages them fantastically when they switch during a session. Often they want to come out to talk to her.
Where ever you are and live I hope you have a peaceful few Christmas holiday period. If you going through a rough time I hope you have someone to support you. I know how hard this time of the year can be.
If you need support or would like to connect with like-minded people join our Private and Closed online Facebook Group for Child Abuse Survivors and those with CPTSD. Click here to join