With Dissociative Identity Disorder, What is Integration Really Like?


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What is Dissociative Identity Disorder really like and when we talk about Integration what does that mean in laymans’ terms? As someone going through Integration this is the best way I can explain it.

When Humpty Dumpty fell and broke apart, all of his innards poured out, and there was nothing to be done. But when a mirror breaks you can bring all of the pieces back together and make one whole again. (Again, simplistic but let’s go with it)

If you bring all of the pieces of a broken mirror back together, you will actually have one reflection again. It will still be cracked and the damage will still be visible but the image will be one.

If you know anything about glass and mirrors, you know that to restore them back to their original state may be difficult. You may even need to just melt it all down with extreme heat and recreate the surface that reflects the whole. The other option is to glue it together and try as best you can to smooth out the cracks.

In any case, someone who is going through, or has gone through Integration is like a person trying to put the pieces together again. They are taking each shard, which reflects the person in some unique way and placing it carefully wherein the mirror to restore the whole image again. The cracks may remain, they may take some time to fix. Ultimately if done right, the process of healing can be painful and take time but unity will be the end result.

I can understand why many multiple systems want to avoid integration or decide to remain as multiples. Quite honestly, Integration is painful and scary enough to deter many.

If you or your loved one are on a path of integration, know that it could be the second most courageous thing you ever do. Putting the pieces back together again is a process. And it is not easy.

I am trying to work towards an Integrated life, and still, some of the cracks are sharp, there are gaps that still need filling but I continue to work at it. I need my partners’ support and I am so lucky that he willingly gives it. When the alters come out, he deals with them patiently and compassionately. He’s grateful for those that have integrated and we celebrate those.

I continue to work hard on gaining wholeness because I know and am convinced that oneness is the way I was created and how I am meant to live my life. It was man’s wickedness and the trauma of my childhood which caused the split in the first place, it is wholeness that is mine to claim.

If you need support join our Private and Closed online Facebook Group  for Child Abuse Survivors and those with CPTSD/PTSD. Click here to join.

I would love to hear from you so please leave a comment. All feedback is much appreciated. Thank you. Erin

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