The Reason I Have Not Been Blogging

depression

It’s been five days since I have written anything for my blog, the first time since March when I first started. The reason is simple. I overdosed on my medications. I became totally overwhelmed with flashbacks and re-experiences. I could no longer cope and let the demons win.

For that hat I am supremely sorry to my family and am riddled with guilt for what I have put them through once again. It was my son that found me. Oh the pain of that!!! To put him through that. The poor kid. No kid should have to find their mother unconscious. Luickily his Dad was home and rang the ambulance. They took me to the local District Hospital which has no ICU so flew me by helicopter to the nearest one two hours away. I was intubated and came through unscathed luckily.

When they took the tube out I realised I was still alive and was so disappointed yet ironically thrilled to see my husband. The two faces of suicidality. I since remain suicidal so am under schedule and when discharged from ICU will be going to a Psychiatric Unit. I dread it but it’s the only alternative in my state. I had been doing so well, making great progress with my psychotherapist. I have to see this as a temporary set back, pick myself up, dust myself off and forge on. I can’t let this disorder kill me. I just can’t  my children’s future and partners future is at stake. I can’t leave the irrevocable stain of suicide on their lives.

So ll be off line for a eeek or so  stay safe all of you  Erin

 

 

2 comments

  1. Erin
    It is such a shock to read your words. I was surprised that the flood of information coming from you had stopped. And such well informed and diverse information, and writers. It is certainly a cauldron.

    As you say you have precious reasons to live, and many gifts; don’t forget that

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