One of the Weirder Moments of Dissociation

horse

This morning I had one of my weirdest experiences of Dissociation connection to my Dissociative Identity Disorder I have experienced yet. It really freaked me out. I live on a Farm south of Sydney in Australia where we keep horses and all week we have been nursing one of our retired Thoroughbreds who has a horrible abscess on his coronet band on his off-hind leg. Not a good infection in an old horse so has to be treated carefully. We had the Vet out and he put a Poultice on it and gave him Antibiotics and Anti-inflammatories for four days. On the fifth day, we were to take the Poultice off and see if the lameness had improved and the abscess had drained.

Well, I was taking the bandage off and it was proving recalcitrant and difficult to remove when suddenly my Alter mother said to use a razor to remove it. I said it out loud in her voice !!!! For those who’ve been following my posts she’s been causing havoc with causing me self-harm recently with razor blades and had announced last week there were no more blades left so we had all let out a sigh of relief that she was over that phase but lo and behold she had more and had let it out loud and clear for all to hear. My poor husband. Of course, she wouldn’t reveal where there were and she disappeared almost as quickly as she had appeared. We were just left in the paddock with me holding the horses’ hoof, my husband, his head and us staring at each other in total disbelief at what had just happened. The dissociation to top all dissociations.

I had a session with my Psychotherapist that afternoon and I retold her the episode. She was pretty despondent that the razor blades had made an appearance back onto the scene and that I didn’t know where they were but I didn’t. So it was back to wrapping my arms up at night again against cutting during the night.  By the time I had the wrapping off my husband would be awake to prevent me cutting and the blade would be found. This strategy we hoped would work. Vigilance would just have to be used for other situations.

Of all the dissociations I’ve experienced this was the strangest one so far. I think even the horse was surprised !!!!!

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