Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity.

“Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words.”
Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

If I was asked to sum up my husband this would be it !!!! He fulfills all of the above and that is why we are still together after four years of battling Complex PTSD and Dissociative Disorder together. We have been married twenty-seven years. All was peaceful and normal until the announcement of the Royal Commission into Institutional Child Abuse here in Australia in 2012 and hearing the witness’s testimonies plunged me into flashbacks hence the PTSD. I was a victim of a paedophile ring as a child organised by my parents. All had remained suppressed since I migrated here from Ireland when I was twenty. The power of the brain !!!!

He has taught me the same skills so our marriage is a real partnership I am happy to say despite when my alters come out of course, that is not always the case. They are a rude, selfish, egotistical bunch intent on their own ends only. They listen to no-one and are only bent on my destruction causing mayhem everytime they appear. We usually end up in Emergency when my Mother makes her presence felt. She tried several times to kill me as a child and is hell bent on doing it now too.

However, he sticks to his integrity of loving me and his marriage vows of sticking with me through thick and thin. Has not let me down once. No remonstrations for the destruction I have wrought on our once peaceful life. The angst I have brought into the lives our four dear children who take it all in their stride. They are remarkable human beings and I am so proud of them. I am so grateful that I had twenty-three years with my husband and children PTSD free to raise them and instill the above characteristics in them which are so important to both of us.

In times of my high anxiety and panic attacks, it can be hard to keep listening but his innate curiosity and love of the world keep him connected to me.  I love him.

 

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