Half way into my second week in the clinic and I’m recovering well from the recent suicide attempt. The stitches are out and the feeling is back in all my fingers and hand so no permanent damage. The routine at the clinic has changed since my last visit with attendance at CBT groups compulsory as demanded by the Insurance companies. I try to go but they just trigger my flashbacks. I just cannot do group work and listen to other people’s issues so my psychiatrist gives me an exemption luckily. Then the bombshell !!!!! Next consultation with him he tells me that he is leaving the clinic and will no longer be able to be my physician. I stop hearing him. The room spins in a vortex. This can’t be happening. It had taken me months to learn to trust him and he was the most wonderful advocate in a world that is not particularly patient centred. I just go numb. He is asking for a response I tell him “Sorry I haven’t got one right now”. To make matters worse he is about to go to a Conference for two weeks so I will have another Doctor looking after me during that time. Could not be worse timing. He gives me a list of psychiatrists to choose from but none of it makes any sense right now so I just take the list and agree to talk to my psychotherapist and husband about it. I feel sick. Starting all over again. The doctor/patient relationship is a finally tuned/balanced one and not easy to get right and I had got it right with him. I trusted him and illogical as it sounds I feel like he is breaking that trust. It is going to be a rough ride.